I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
