All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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