She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
