I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
