Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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