I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
