everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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