yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
