More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you had me at cake vodka
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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