just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So much Jack, so little girl.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
