If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
