Whoa Z and x make the same sound
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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