I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
