Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
