so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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