I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need to align my fucking chakras
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
