I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
