the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
