So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
