So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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