You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
