alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
