he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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