On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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