we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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