its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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