i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
