My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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