laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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