just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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