just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
