Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
