My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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