he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
