We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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