Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
