you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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