Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
