Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
