im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
