There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
