Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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