I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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