Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
