It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
