Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
