Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
