remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
