did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
