so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
