i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
